I don’t know how to put this the better way.

I broke my heart in two and give the bigger part to you. And swore to you that no matter what you do with it, with this piece I got left, I’ll always love you.

And they say that love – that’s really love – could never fail. But fail, it did.

Now, wondering how did I fail you. Trying to always be by your side, no matter how much it hurts me. And once again I fail as a man. So I walked away. I put my smile and try to make it work. Pretend not to care. Pretend that everything is better now. But I still sing sad songs with red eyes.

And when getting angry doesn’t solve anything, I laugh instead. But all the laughter were all laughing back at me. They laugh at the way I scream your name in the middle of the night. they laugh at my songs. At how I become so weak.

They say time heals. And little by little, you fade and I started to live my life. I thought. But how, when so many buildings, so many cars, roads, and for fuck’s sake, just how the fuck every light, every scent, every fuckin song I like remind me on how many things in my previous live vanish into thin air?

how can I forget you when even with my eyes closed, I can still feel you?

Do you miss me? Do you even think of me? Do you laugh the way you used to be? Do you remember? The day you will laugh happily to all the jokes I say? The first day I hugged you? Do you remember our promises? That you will regret your whole life by breaking it? The funny thing is that I kept my promise. But I’m the one kneeling, raising my hand to the heavens above, with resentment in my eyes.

So, what if I never hold you near, or kiss your lips again?

Now, that I’ve lost you, it kills me to say, I tried to hold on as you slowly slip away. I’ve lost the fight. I treated you so wrong. So for all the things we’ve got left, let me make it right.

To tell you now, all I can say that I won’t expect anything from anyone from now on. I will not take anything for granted. I will live my life. Try as hard as I can not to hurt anyone. If I could change, I would. Not for you or anyone else. But for me. With you, all my hopes and dreams are broken. but hopes and dreams was not made of sand. It was made of life, so it will grow. As my skin turns yellow. I forget this hell. As the skies are bruised, and the rain comes down. As my face turns pale. Try to deal with these thoughts.

At the end of it all, I still miss you

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