A Poorer World Without Anthony Bourdain
“[When I die], I will decidedly not be regretting missed opportunities for a good time. My regrets will be more along the lines of a sad list of people hurt, people let down, assets wasted and advantages squandered.”I hope you find peace, Sir. I hope you'd agree with me that this world is a beautiful place, some people are born to make it harder to live, but it is a beautiful place indeed. I had wished that one day I'd eat in one of the restaurants in your show and somehow seeing you there, sitting and eating normally. I don't wish for small talk or acknowledgment, just seeing you eat and drink in the same place would be good enough for my bucket list. But the ship had sailed. So sail on, sail on, sailor.
Widows and Orphans
Toast and Unsalted Butter
I don’t know what makes me smile the wider:
The smell of a whole grain toast
Or the sound of butter knife scratching to its surface
And still can’t decide which makes me miss you more
We never really care that you’d prefer a white bread
Or that we toast our bread differently
Or that I’m having this for lunch
This is forever our favorite breakfast
In all these little extra strength
Spreading this frozen butter
In every bite, I smile to the memory of you
and the prospect of seeing you again soon
Time and time i caught a glimpse of my past
I can’t remember if it was a dream
or a childhood or
previous live, who knows?
what i remember though, Is the scent of old dust on that whitewashed wall
and the sound of a hundred flapping birds reaching in for a prospect of breadcrumbs
I remember the wind and the chatter of people now gone
and the smiles of friends that were
I remember waiting for someone to come
it left me with a smile, every time
but the image wont stay long
and when i came back to where I was
i guess life is dark and dull
you realize that dreams and hopes are false advertising
while fears are real
and that bright-shining-future of your ten-year-old-self has flown away
if you could, would you return?
walk back to 20 years past
find your childhood
and tell him not to grow up?
oh, father time
are a mere sound of the wind
that blow as he pass by
Sudah, api kini tinggal bara
diatasnya beterbangan debu nyala
dan nafas pun pelan terhela
karena bintang menolak bersua
Memang dulu, kukira dunia
yang kugenggam dalam sepi
namun saat tanganku terbuka
yang terlihat cuma mimpi
Debu-debu mimpi rapuh berkilauan
jatuh ke bumi, binasa di antara rerumputan
kilau yang tersisa di tangan
Detak jantungnya cepat, dia
Kelak lebam aku dilumatnya
Kepadanya kutitipkan nama yang perkasa
Biar tak perlu ia meminjam gemuruh halilintar
Kepadanya kuserahkan segala impi
Biar diraih segala ingin
Menatap dari sini nanti, di tepi kehidupan
Saat bara dan debu sama-sama padam
If borrowed experience and inherited wisdom puff me up with conceit and as such coax me to behave boastfully among others, let me suffer Thy torment drown me in discouragement and shamefulness.
I am but a man, proud and vain. This shift and skin that covers me conceal none of the filth within me, which my very mouth and fingers disdainfully gloat. O Lord, show me the light, for I am blinded with vanity. Only unto Thee, I take shelter from all the deceitfulness of the world.
Regrets and Outcomes
I never, ever, in my life time, consider myself as a good person. I mean good. Or kind. Like Forrest Gump kind of kind. Or like Steve Rogers, if he’s real. Like honest, gentle, caring, family man kind of good. No. Never.
To be frank, I am a bad person. I curse like a sailor. I treat people like they don’t matter much. I don’t know if there’s a single person I knew (heck, in the world) that I had never lied to. I raise my chin up high and I drive recklessly.
But you know, I never liked being a bad man. I hate the sense of guilt. I hate the aftertaste of doing bad things. I don’t enjoy being bad.
So I try to be good.
Turns out it’s the hardest thing to do. Why? because good is relative. And the things you’ve done in the past, how you look like, and the vibe that comes with your attitude, affect it’s value tremendously. Not to mention that all kind of people demand all kind of goodness.
But I keep trying.
But you can never satisfy everyone. Classic. And the more people you try to make happy, the more of them disappoint.
I guess that’s what there is to live, though. I kind of sceptical on what the old men say: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” or “Good things come for those who waits” or any other kind of bullshit. You know what? Bad people win. They win plenty of fight against good, and there’s nothing you can do except convincing yourself that hell is real and it hath no fury. I mean, how often you see bad drivers who cut in traffic got pulled over by cops? or caught in an accident? How often did you see them run away while flipping you off instead?
I don’t live for the last laugh, though.
Happiness is a delicate thing. It is supposed to be earned, never given. For those who receive, will take it for granted.
But I’ll be good anyway.
I have to admit.
Some people are still alive simply because I allowed them to. Saved only by small voice inside my head that keeps telling me that 20 years in chains (or any pain in the effort) do not worth their worthless soul.
Nevertheless, I still consider that the world would be a better place if these pathetic excuse for people just cease to exist.
1. Money-sucking, respect-demanding pigs with made-up violation and justified bribery.
2. Drivers/riders whose life were saved just because I have enough pity (and a well-functioning brake-reflex-mechanism) on my disposal.
3. Violent, pretentious fanatics
4. Racist militants who don’t even belong to the race they so furiously corroborate.
6. Machete-and-prescription-pills-nerve-amplified criminals.
7. Social media celebrities who never bother to think that “they could be wrong”, and spit whatever the fuck their miserable mind figure, regardless how hateful or damaging.
8. People who feed no. 7 with money and doctrine materials.
9. People who create the doctrine materials for no. 8
10. Teachers who don’t understand what they’re teaching.
11. Teachers who don’t understand what they’re teaching and say anything to avoid looking dumb in front of their pupils. Regardless said thing have any accuracy on being a fact or otherwise a made-up information.
12. Teachers who refuse to be corrected no matter what
13. Judges that derelict their duty.
14. People who had it arranged for no. 13.
15. People who knows about no. 13 and 14′s business and don’t do anything.
and the list goes on and on and on.
The world was made worse by some seriously fucked-up people.
I refuse to think that they deserve second chances.
I will forever resent them.
I will always be longing for the time they perish.
May they die a violent, shameful death with slow, painful process that last a lot longer than they can endure.
“We will fight a battle and then we’ll rest. Alive or dead, we’ll rest.”
“You want to lead, someday? Then learn to follow”
“… Valar Morghulis”
My relationship with my muse is a delicate one at the best of times and I feel that it is my duty to protect her from influences that may offend her fragile nature.
She comes to me with the gift of song and in return I treat her with the respect I feel she deserves — in this case this means not subjecting her to the indignities of judgement and competition. My muse is not a horse and I am in no horse race and if indeed she was, still I would not harness her to this tumbrel — this bloody cart of severed heads and glittering prizes. My muse may spook! May bolt! May abandon me completely!
~ Nick Cave
Aku Ingin Menjadi Batu di Dasar Kali
Aku ingin menjadi batu di dasar kali
Bebas dari pukulan angin dan keruntuhan
Sementara biar orang-orang bersibuk diri
Dalam desau rumput dan pohonan
Jangan aku memandang keluasan langit tiada tara
seperti padang-padang tengadah
Atau gunung-gunung menjulang
Tapi aku ingin menjadi sekedar bagian
Aku sudah tak tahan lagi melihat burung-burung pindahan
Yang kau bunuh dengan keangkuhanmu —yang mati terkapar
Di sangkar-sangkar putih waktu
O, aku ingin jadi batu di dasar kali
Thought via Path
I think i’ll just… Play dead for a while. – Read on Path.
Happy (?) New Year
Happy New Year, happy new year.
time as we know it, is relative. and with relativity, there exist probability, and perception.
as a matter of fact, the world where we lived in was created by the summation of probability of ideas and general perception,
and by perception, there include subjective evaluation and personal justification. Which dare i say is as meaningless as guilty pleasure or white lie.
such a pity that the society as we know it is constructed by the very idea of perception. in which goodness or badness was determined by majority. and those who beg to differ are just a disturbance that shamefully coexist on every corner of majority itself.
at the end of the day the winners are those who are gifted to be able to please most. probably that’s why we love public figures.
but happy new year, for come tomorrow the rich will still be rich. and the poor will still be poor. but things might change, sadly enough you probably don’t make it to bear witness. are you thinking now what the word ‘happy’ in the phrase ‘happy new year’ stands for? are you going to be happy this whole year? or only when it’s new? what’s the point of celebrating the countdown towards the end? is there happiness to obtain? what kind of happiness? like receiving a present? or like when you kissed by someone? or like a good day to die? is it a gift? is it a curse?
but a new year it is
and such happy, happy thought
so happy, happy new year.
for tomorrow might be good for something.
and be happy for you are free
or for the food on the table
or for the air you breath
or for the knife inside your lung
or for the blood that runs black
or for the vomit on your armani
for us, proud, empty, hollow things, gasping for breath, begging for life while you never admit how lucky you are while you’ve spared one.
am i talking nonsense here?
it’s actually rather subjective.
“On Olympus, we measure Wisdom against Athena, Speed against Hermes, Power against Zeus. But we measure Courage… against Captain America.”
“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”
― Hamilton Wright Mabie
- Deadpool -
What I think about conspiracy theorist these days
The art of conspiracy theory is all about discretion. That’s all there is to it. That’s why it is called conspiracy. It is unlike the publishing about the huge scam of the last presidential election. It is not supposed to be all that predictable, easy to understand, or common. It is NOT a sudden clarity. It is a slow-paced clarification, derived through small yet repetitive collections of recognition about the existence of measurable oddity of a few or more worldwide scale events of history.
The call of clarity will eventually obtained through a series of accidental or non-accidental encounter of similar minds of a few likely theorems.
The discretion, once again, is the key of the maximum psychological impact. Because knowing a lot of things from a few books and boasting about it to everyone only make you an impossible piece of puzzle; no matter how attractive, you are not useful. While a simple hint in a conversation between a cabdriver and his passenger could have a lot more significant impact.
It returns once again to the depth of the source. Without a discreet behavior, a conspiracy theory would simply echo like another jehovah witness’ blabbering, if not less, another whore writing complicated looking status to attract attention. Another teenage drama queen with a pair of thick glasses, with a huge thick “NERD” writing on the forehead.
Borrowed knowledge and overrated wisdom. Add a little attention-deficit disorder to it and BAM! Another whore with obvious begging of attention. As we all know that the emptiest bottle make the highest pitch. It just won’t work that way.
“I really hate to wake up. For I hate what I have become. ”
Things you own will eventually owning you, and you will eventually become that person you hate the most. What have I become? Less than a man.
Contemplation Compilation #1
In my short-term exile I learned some things
One, never hope for anyone to care for you, no matter how you care about them.
two, we thought all we want is to ‘disappear’, but what we actually want is to be ‘found’.
three, pain is most painful when you pretend to smile and to look happy.
four, When you do something right, no one remembers. when you screw up, nobody forgets.
five, never make a permanent decision under temporary emotion.
six, too many people buy things they don’t need to impress people who don’t give a shit.
seven, we can’t read one’s mind like a book. and that goes vice versa. don’t expect anyone to understand the way you feel right now.
eight. we can’t please everyone. we can’t expect someone to understand a level eight conversation while he/she only capable to think on level five.
nine, every promise with “forever” or “never” is a lie. because in this universe, nothing lasts forever.
ten, alcohol (as so as milk and cheese) never solve your problem. get yourself together and work it out.
eleven, when you tell your problem to others, some are happy you had it, some are confuse, the rest are just don’t care.
twelve, the best thing of being alone is to be able to perceive more than give. thus, you gain much more.
My Playlist for the Month
i’ve been looking all over the internet for these songs. very few of them can still be found as records. i remember the first days after i declared myself the straight edge oath, these songs were the first to grasp my ear. well, not all is actually that old, some are new references or new songs from old bands. i’d really love to put this as .zip and upload it, but i know some really cruel people over the internet who will do whatever it takes to make me regret that. so i guess i’ll just put it here and hope it has good use for those who seek.
High Hopes - Gorilla Biscuits
Escape And Run - 7 Seconds
Break Down The Walls - Youth Of Today
Civilized Man - Shelter
Million Days - Dag Nasty
True Till Death - Chain Of Strenght
Straight On View - Unity
No Rules - Insted
Demand Independence - Better Than A Thousand
Straight Edge In Your Face - Ten Yard Fight
Shopping For A Crew - Good Clean Fun
Bust A Move - Diehard Youth
Promises Kept - Champion
Crooked Floors - Comeback Kid
You Wrote This Song For Me - Bane
Like Trumpets - With Honor
Guilty - Side By Side
Straight Edge Revenge - ProjectX
Big Mouth Strikes Again - Slapshot
Glue - SSD
New York Crew - Judge
Last Straw - Wide Awake
Open Up - D.Y.S
Force Of Change - Strife
Screamo Gotta Go - International Superheroes Of Hardcore
No Donnie, These Men Are Straight Edge - Casey Jones
What I’d Give - Battery
Take The Risk - In My Eyes
Save It For The Birds - Down To Nothing
All Aces - xLooking Forwardx
El Tiempo Es Ahora - Nueva Etica
Reflections - Trial
Straight Edge - Minor Threat
Not the religious kind of guy, but..,
My real brothers fear none of such despicable deeds. A mere taunting would not wet our hands with blood or tears.
My real brothers would rise, not in anger but infaithfulness. For our way is not violence.
Posers could dress alike and shout blasphemy whenever they like.
Posers could shout their throat dry, but real brothers understand that the Lord’s name is not a war cry.
Real brothers does not give in to wrath and offense. For our way is goodness and patience.
Posers would justify violence for defense against blasphemy. Real brothers could be hurt a lot deeper, they would whisper istigfar and sallu alan-nabi.
Alex (Taken with Instagram at Palace Athene)
Ex-S Sentinel (Taken with Instagram at Palace Athene)
Batman. Pen on misprinted inkjet paper. (Taken with Instagram)
Taken with Instagram at Drife
The bus was conducted by a child. He was counting the money in his hand when i climbed in. The bus driver called him “son”. I guess he’s his child. They were conversing. And laughing, a little.
The conductor asked for the fare and i gave him. He then said to his father “we’ve got a hundred now.”
His father laughed. I didn’t understand why, but i smiled.
Simple conversation. Simple laugh. Simply enjoying the life they were forced to live. Simple things. Simply thinking whether i live a better life. So i laughed at the moment. To find laughter in impossible places. To realize that such happiness exist only for those who know where to look. While I’ve been busy, pointing fingers on every direction.
And all of a sudden the stranger i always see in the mirror wept as he realized that his memory almost no longer capable of recalling the sound of his father’s laughter.
Oh i missed that too.
Another decoration. Papercraft of Guy Fawkes’ mask. (Taken with Instagram at Drife)
New office decoration. Supported by imaginary friends and marvel (Taken with Instagram at Drife)
Taken with Instagram
been like this for almost 2 weeks now. doubt it will ever reach finalization. seems like it end here, incomplete and in failure.
here’s to live:
life is a journey, not a destination.
we’ll never had the chance to prepare ourself, for the journey, nor the arrival.
What you know now is that we already leaving, and the trip is not always pleasant.
It’s like we’re waking up in a car that travels to destination unknown and there is no gas station at all.
In a wide, wide road, with so many slopes and obstacles and sharp or smooth turns and crossroads.
No one actually knows where we come from. No one actually knows where we’re going.
There’re only those who pretend to know, just because they read the brochure that was given by agents in traffic areas.
So many crossroads, so many turns, most of us took the smoothest, some try the shortest, some like challenges.
But for sooner or later, one way or another, we all randomly learn some similar points;
that there is no such thing as certainty
there’s only probability
there’s no can or cannot
there’s only will or will not
or else that has yet to happen
there is no darkness
there’s only the absence of light
and those who are afraid of the dark
there’s no value, only judgement
there’s no real equations, only overused metaphors
or abstract algebra, built by humans as a cheat sheet to simplify life.
there’s no truth, only justification
there is no condition, only emotion
there is no win or lose, there’s only comparison.
there is no secondary nor tertiary needs. only justified greed.
there is no stupidity, only ignorance
there’s no ending. only new beginning.
there is no random encounter. only greater goods and predetermined champion.
there’s no reason. only perspective.
there is no absolution. only denials
but what if i told you
that there is no destination?
that every step we take in our journey leads to another, and another, and another.
or what if i told you
that there is no trip.
that the highway itself is the destination we’re looking for
what if we have been wrong all of our life, but we are blinded?
what if in the perspective of others any of us are just another mindless animal, doing what we do everyday?
is it air that we breathe? Or just a socially approved concept?
is death is the end or just a step to another phase of existence?
here’s to live
live is a journey, not a destination
we are not prepared
we are might as well enjoy it.
By Jack White
I want love
To roll me over slowly
stick a knife inside me,
and twist it all around.
I want love to
grab my fingers gently
slam them in a doorway
put my face into the ground.
I want love to
murder my own mother
and take her off to somewhere
like hell or up above.
I want love to
change my friends to enemies,
change my friends to enemies
and show me how it’s all my fault.
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me x 2
Yeah I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore.
I want love to
walk right up and bite me
grab a hold of me and fight me
leave me dying on the ground.
And I want love to
split my mouth wide open and
cover up my ears,
and never let me hear a sound.
I want love to,
forget that you offended me
or how you have defended me,
when everybody tore me down.
Yeah I want love to
change my friends to enemies,
change my friends to enemies
and show me how it’s all my fault.
Yeah I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore.
the question of my life
the pale horse
in my mind. a drop of water falls.
as it touches the pool of thought beneath, a distortion.
my ear hears what is unheard.
and the distortion carried upon my mouth.
foul language and tilted vision
blurry sight with colorful spectacles
scream, scars, scavenger
crypt, curate, curses, crucio!
the heart set afire and flame burns lifelike
scratching the sky for more, for more
noises, riffs, distortion
phone rings, vibrates, engines roar, horns horny
mental went ablaze
could there be more?
an abomination, a monster, a beast
corpse balm, bleach, dye, daily feast
no more honor, only hunger, only anger
justification fails you now, fear increase
logic bursting in blood red rainbow
the wailing trembles and reaches its highest pitch
seductive, proud, envious, yet avaricious, the filthiest bitch
the immortals remain deadly silent, the sloths
spleen berserks abrupt and all hades break loose
the noise strikes aloud, the loudest men can bear
let the bodies fall as them beheaded
blood stops flowing and the death is near
it follows very close behind the last rider
no more justice, no more fairness, men eat men
the sword be drawn it’s wielder’s blind
close your eyes you can see the foul visions of hell
close your ears the death screams inside
wear your mask the vulture will rip your face
and take them punches on your chest
run away, run like nothing else matters
your soul has been kept, death is the only way
you could not escape.
you could not be safe.
trees be burn and rivers run dry
grasses are now ashes and flowers bring achy
all hopes has been abandoned
the demons show themselves, they dwell on every crossroads
they ask for your soul, they’re bargaining for it
haven, they say, from all the beasts and filths and bitches
but you can’t sell what’s not yours
laughter falls and cry sets aloud
the eyes see what mind fails to believe
ears hear everything but tell nothing
be afraid, thy sinner, for none will be forgiven
the doom is upon us all
Mikey Welsh 1971 – 2011
“I KNOW, I KNOW FOR SURE…. THAT LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL AROUND THE WO-HURLD”… that was me, standing on top of the special goodness tour van, singing a rhcp song at the top of my lungs to a homeless man who was sprawled out on the sidewalk below.. we were on the second date of the first u.s. special goodness tour. The s.g. tour van was a 1978 chevrolet shortie conversion 350/350 w/ 3;42 gears [ I know this because pat just texted me this info about an hour ago] our van had also been painted a metallic turquoise-blue, the same color as all of pat’s other muscle cars…so here we were, in nyc.. on the lower east side.. it was me, pat, karl, and pat’s old friend lee, who we had brought in to play drums for us.. the first date of our tour was the night before, at Rutgers university in new jersey.. we had been rehearsing for the tour in an old shut down bar up in buffalo, n.y., which is where pat grew up….the show at Rutgers was kind of a nightmare… plagued with sound problems.. but at least a few hundred fans had shown up to see us, so we were very excited.. we got through that one pretty much intact.. the second date was here in nyc at brownies.. a really cool little club that I’m pretty sure is still there.. before our set, pat, karl and myself hung out at one end of the bar, greeting fans that were coming in.. we were having a really good time… but especially pat… the special goodness was his baby,, a musical project he had been working on for years.. and I think he was really stoked to have an actual band together, playing shows night after night, out on a u.s. tour that would take us from nyc all the way up to seattle.. and pretty much everywhere in between.. and I was happy to be able to be with him all of the time now… we hadn’t really seen each other that much since weezer rehearsals had dissolved and rivers had shut himself away in our old apartment… pat and I became very close rather quickly when I joined weezer…. And now we were together again.. I was especially happy that pat was singing and playing guitar… his preferred instrument.. so there we were inside brownies, just hanging out and laughing before the set.. I was drinking red wine [my usual] and pat was drinking beer.. I was also taking klonopin, which had been prescribed to me by my dr…. for a panic disorder.. my problem, however, was to take way too much of it and end up getting really looped-out… which I was now in the process of doing…. At some point a girl I met earlier in the evening had given me some speed.. I was back by the bathrooms with her, making out, when she slipped it to me.. thankfully, this happened not long before our set was to start, and the speed didn’t start hitting me until the end of our set.. all of the sound problems we had experienced the night before were now gone.. and we were really fucking good.. I think the song we usually opened with was “bullshit” we more or less charged through the set list.. pat and I would often walk up to each other during a song and stand just a few inches away from one another…we had a magical connection to each other in a musical sense.. it was always obvious to everyone that we were so connected as the rhythm section for weezer, but we had an even more intense bond when pat was playing guitar.. and we were on stage together. Anyways, we had a full room of fans there, and they were way into what we were doing.. but not all of the shows on this tour would turn out so happy-happy. We would be running into all kinds of weird and wrong situations… crazy [really crazy] women, bad drug experiences, too much taco bell, and I would eventually almost keel over and die from a mysterious illness in minnesotta…. The best was yet to come….
Kemendiknas yang saya hormati, semakin kemari saya semakin bertanya-tanya mengapa saya diajarkan rumus aljabar dan bukannya cara memberi kartu nama yang benar, atau cara bersalaman yang baik.
Clap, clap, clap your hands loud. Kick, kick, kick yourself hard. Keep beating ‘til there’s blood.
e pluribus unum
Rest in Peace, dude.
Never trust a guy who sleep on a mattress without a bed, in a room with a lot of smiley painted on as graffiti, with a fluorescent neon turned on and lots of magazine cutout posters. He eats instant noodle for breakfast. True story.
Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo giusto, Lì tutti vivono in pace e in onestà. Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere, come le nuvole che volano, pien’ d'umanità in fondo all'anima.
Nella Fantasia by Chiara Ferraù
In my fantasy I see a fair world,
Where everyone lives in peace and honesty.
I dream of a place to live that is always free,
Like a cloud that floats,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.
Hanya manusia yang bisa menyakiti diri sendiri dengan sengaja
anybody remember this?
Until now, I never really care about what they’re actually saying. Except for the chorus. And the barking, too.
9 out of 10 kids prefer crayons to guns
I see a …who wasn’t there
I was getting through the ticket barrier to join the queue in a busway shelter. I pull my phone off my pocket and plug the headset. I was starting to play some music when something caught my attention. She was a little bit too tall for a lady. Her hair was long, and from where I was standing, it was impossible to see her face. She passed the ticket barrier and joined the queue. Her posture was a little bit crooked. She wore a very long dress that swapped the floor, which I think was weird for someone as tall (I guess she’s about 190 cms or so). She joined the queue and passed through the gaps between queuing people that were not too tight (this, even though very annoying, is considered normal in where I come from). And what’s weirder was that I seemed to be the only person that got stunned by her. Then as she turned to her right side to where I finally able to see her face, I shivered. Her face was like a statue. A very old statue. It really seemed as it was carved out of a very hard rock, and oiled. Her skin was red as burnt flesh. Then all of a sudden, she looks back at me. As I was seeing her eyes, cold wind stroke the back of my neck. I looked behind her and acted as if I was staring that thing behind her (my standard protocol when get caught staring). And suddenly someone bumped me from behind. I almost jumped of shock, but somehow managed to overcome (even though I’m pretty sure that anyone can see it clearly from my face) when I realized that it was just another passenger. So I looked back to where I was looking just a moment ago. No bus had stopped yet, and she was too tall to be hidden among other passengers, but she was nowhere to be found. Apparently I wasn’t looking at a human at all.
et cum aperuisset sigillum secundum audivi secundum animal dicens veni, et exivit alius equus rufus et qui sedebat super illum datum est ei ut sumeret pacem de terra et ut invicem se interficiant et datus est illi gladius magnus
To live and die by our own rules- free.
I don’t know how to put this the better way.
I broke my heart in two and give the bigger part to you. And swore to you that no matter what you do with it, with this piece I got left, I’ll always love you.
And they say that love - that’s really love - could never fail. But fail, it did.
Now, wondering how did I fail you. Trying to always be by your side, no matter how much it hurts me. And once again I fail as a man. So I walked away. I put my smile and try to make it work. Pretend not to care. Pretend that everything is better now. But I still sing sad songs with red eyes.
And when getting angry doesn’t solve anything, I laugh instead. But all the laughter were all laughing back at me. They laugh at the way I scream your name in the middle of the night. they laugh at my songs. At how I become so weak.
They say time heals. And little by little, you fade and I started to live my life. I thought. But how, when so many buildings, so many cars, roads, and for fuck’s sake, just how the fuck every light, every scent, every fuckin song I like remind me on how many things in my previous live vanish into thin air?
how can I forget you when even with my eyes closed, I can still feel you?
Do you miss me? Do you even think of me? Do you laugh the way you used to be? Do you remember? The day you will laugh happily to all the jokes I say? The first day I hugged you? Do you remember our promises? That you will regret your whole life by breaking it? The funny thing is that I kept my promise. But I’m the one kneeling, raising my hand to the heavens above, with resentment in my eyes.
So, what if I never hold you near, or kiss your lips again?
Now, that I’ve lost you, it kills me to say, I tried to hold on as you slowly slip away. I’ve lost the fight. I treated you so wrong. So for all the things we’ve got left, let me make it right.
To tell you now, all I can say that I won’t expect anything from anyone from now on. I will not take anything for granted. I will live my life. Try as hard as I can not to hurt anyone. If I could change, I would. Not for you or anyone else. But for me. With you, all my hopes and dreams are broken. but hopes and dreams was not made of sand. It was made of life, so it will grow. As my skin turns yellow. I forget this hell. As the skies are bruised, and the rain comes down. As my face turns pale. Try to deal with these thoughts.
At the end of it all, I still miss you
Am I the only one who get erection seeing tinkerbell the first time?
Fox News got pwnd!
Just for the record, this is indeed true… Fairly recently, I reached out to the guys to try and make amends and offered to reconcile for the sake of having peace back in our lives (plus I know how much it meant to alot of the fans.) I figured it was still possible to try and save us because they hadn’t made any announcements yet or begun any public activity with another drummer but sadly, they declined my offer (well, actually their lawyer did…they didn’t even tell me themselves.)
Sorry gang, I honestly gave it my all… So now the fans on my twitter and facebook can please stop asking me to go back to DT. I tried, and the door is now shut, the ball is now in their court, not mine.
PS – I’m not crying or looking for mercy by posting this. I am merely trying to set the record straight as that is always the most important thing about my relationship with you guys. no BS, no spins, nothing to hide and for better or for worse, I tell it like it is.
I’ve also recently seen some people accuse my online activity of “looking for attention or media coverage” or “looking for sympathy”, but it’s honestly none of the above. I merely value having an open and active communication with my fans, always have, always will. It is the cornerstone of everything I’ve done since day #1 with DT.
This was posted here FOR YOU GUYS to know about here on MY message board on MY website. If it ends up on Blabbermouth or some other website that chooses to sensationalize it, that is THEIR doing. I did not send it out or create a “press release”. I am merely responding on a thread on my own Forum.
Anyways, onward and upward.
Perahu negeriku, perahu bangsaku
Jangan retak dindingmu
Semangat rakyatku, derap kaki tekadmu
Jangan terantuk batu
Tanah pertiwi anugerah ilahi
Jangan ambil sendiri
Tanah pertiwi anugerah ilahi
Jangan makan sendiri
R.I.P Franky Sahilatua (1953-2011)
le epic answer
le epic question
When i’m unemployed, all day is only about designing, browsing, and listening to the music I like. Now that i get a job… all day is only about designing, browsing, and listening to the music I like… with better computer.
“Bye bye, Blackbird”
I ignore text messages. I let the phone ring. I log off all chats. I stop tweet. It’s nothing personal, really. I’m just sick of pretending that I’m okay.
taken with my phone camera. an amazing sunset behind Passer Baroe, Jl. Gunung Sahari, Jakarta.
Play some rock
Play some rock
Please don’t stop
A video tribute to Cobain by Jared Letto.
“I heard today was the day Kurt passed away 17 years ago. Can’t believe it’s been that long. So grateful for his contribution and inspiration. Not sure I’d be doing this if it weren’t for him. He gave us all permission to create no matter what our skill set and reminded me that dreams are possible. Thanks for that. This made me recall a short piece of film I shot when I heard they were making a film celebrating his life. I made it to explore the character and explore creative possibilities. I never sent it to the studio or to anyone but thought I’d share it now…”
~ Jared Letto
taken from http://jaredleto.com/thisiswhoireallyam